Drink, Drugs and Sausage Rolls

I was always intrigued by the Ulster Councils initiative “Drink, drugs and sausage rolls,” not just due to its t-shirt slogan name, but mainly as to what it was all about. Turns out the Ulster Council reckons these are the three things that turn good minor players into that lad who sits at the bar and tells you about the time he scored a point against Cavan in a Minor all Ireland in 1995. From a purely cuisine point of view I think this is incredibly harsh on sausage rolls. Surely jambons ruin a man’s arteries quicker than the sausage snack? Alas I digress, the main crux of my problem with the initiative is the exemption of the Minor players greatest deterrent – women. We all know that the late teens are a time in a man’s life when women stop becoming something you look at from afar and become people we could actually strike up a conversation with. Believe it or not being able to put the ball over the bar from the 45 while on the run gets massive kudos with the ladies (I always knew I was doing something wrong!). So why then is the Ulster Council initiative not called “Drink, Drugs and the girl from number 47 who’ll make you miss training to take her to see Sex and the City 2”. All minor players should be advised to only date girls who know their way around a hurl or who, better still have played inter county since they were 15. (Note to readers: There is a line here. I currently date a girl who is better than me at football, it’s very bad for my ego).